I really think therapy is the answer. What about letting him have the other day while you are at work? I want to let her know that I am here for her and I will not leave her side. Instead, call and be non-threatening. Lara's Question: If my ex-husband has no place to live, do I have to give him our daughter on his visitation weekend? Please help me to understand. You want your son to sleep at home the night before school when possible, so a Sunday evening return makes more sense. He returned him a short time later. Brette's Answer: Tell the judge the truth. Can custody or visitation of my child be changed? His father has been arrested and taken to jail. If he is still addicted, it may not be safe for your child to be with him. Custodial interference like this can also be grounds for a change in custody. Does he have to visit his dad if he hasn't seen him for years? I found out they are living in Fl. Shannon's Question: I currently live in the marital home with my son that's 12 and daughter that's 5. This is an attorney who will represent your daughter and give the court her perspective. If the order does not set specific times, then visitation is at time as agreed upon. How do I fight back against the false accusations? I'm glad you took them to a psychologist. The more he sees him, the stronger their bond will be. For best results, talk to an attorney. The best approach might just be to talk with your ex and see if you could meet the girlfriend in a neutral, calm setting so you could get to know each other. How can he take here away from me? Shannon's Question: Can I stop my ex from having our daughter around his new girlfriend if she has threatened and harassed me? Brette's Answer: If the order does not specifically say he can do so or if it does not say "other times as agreed" then yes. What if the stepmother treats my son badly? I don't want him having my daughter around his wife. Brette's Answer: The problem is this is a fine line. Then he might have a greater attention span when they are there and there might be more to do. If she has no relationship with the kids, that's another good reason. No parent creates a perfect home life or situation. You're going to need to get someone who is an expert to testify about what is legal and what isn't - possibly a state trooper or police officer? Make it clear you don't want to intrude or make things difficult, that you're not involved in whatever happened between her and your father, and would like a chance to get to know your siblings. Suzanne's Question: My ex and I have a temporary visitation agreement for our three year old daughter. (Dad is suppposed to have visitation from fri - sun, but works all day on Saturday. He drops in and out of his life, one minute saying he won't be seeing him again and then randomly showing up at his school to pick him up. A lot of families experience turmoil. You might consider getting your kids into counseling to help them work through the problems. He only wants to stay here with us. Then leave them alone (go for a walk or in another room). Now our child spends more time with the new girlfriend on visitations than with her father. My 17 year old prefers to stay with me. For example, his uncle will need to be subpoenaed about whether the child is staying with him during visitation. It's likely the judge will talk to your son to get his input. 4 year olds are not reliable reporters, so she might not be telling you exactly what happened. ex refuses to take my calls. At some point your son will need to confront that and deal with it. I would ask you that question. Another thing is that he wants his parents or girlfriend to pick our son up. An adult not referenced in the Court Order can't pick up your minor children without your consent when your husband is not present. Your ex-wife can bring up a few issues with regard to your girlfriend picking up your son. What if I can’t prove I have a proper residence to keep my kids overnight? Try to arrange for reasonable phone contact. I have several police reports where he threatened to take my daughter and I will never see her again. Do I have to let them go with her? Brette's Answer: You could do "visitation at times as agreed" which means when it works out with his schedule. He pays child support off and on, but I would gladly give it up. Calling you names is not a basis to change visitation. Can we switch the visitation schedule for a special occasion? Is visitation thru Monday morning wise if he lives 2 hours away? What does the therapist think about it? Jennifer's Question: My children of 10, 9, and 6 have visitation with their father and they came home today and told me that he punched my son in the head a few times and smacked my daughter open hand in the face. Encouraging your child to lie is a concern however, but that's going to be very difficult to prove - 3 year olds are not reliable in any way. If he violates the court order by not returning the child she can call the police and/or file for a violation of the order. Good luck. Brette's Answer: I can understand your frustration. If he will not give her the children, she can file for a violation and enforcement with the court. If it continues you could also contact child protective services and it could be the basis of a neglect case against him. And if your mom is in the hospital, he would be the one who would have responsibility for taking care of you. ... Children pick up on your facial expressions and levels of excitement. You're right to be angry and upset, but as a parent you need to think about your son and his needs. His mom lives out of state and wants to pick her up and use HIS visitation as HER right to see our daughter. The psychologist said they were good well-adjusted kids. She gets very sick and has red dots all over her body from eating the berries. Will the court make my ex have separate bedrooms for the kids? It is the job of the custodial parent, your ex-spouse, to ensure your child does in fact visit with the other parent. Brette's Answer: Seek a modification. But parents sometimes disagree about custody of a child. As their mother, I consider this negligence, but how can I prove it? I feel as their mother I should have the right to know where my children are. Brette's Answer: You could extend the current visits - pick her up on Friday night instead of Saturday and keep her till Sunday. Her wishes would be considered and a guardian ad litem would be appointed. I'm very concerned about the substance abuse issue, and this is something you definitely need to bring up in court. or consistent with possibility take a taxi? Also you might offer to take them to him and have him drop them off if this is a scheduling problem. How should I handle visitation if he's a sex addict? Jacqueline's Question: I have visitation with my daughter every weekend starting Friday after school until Sunday. He's her father. My ex-wife and I are currently on bad terms and I'm afraid that she won't let my new wife fly home and pick him up and fly him back out here for my summer visitation. My ex will be released from jail and I worry that his mother will allow him to see our son behind my back at her home. Is it illegal for my boyfriend to sleep in the same room as my child? Cara's Question: My ex lives out of state and wants our 7 year old to come out to visit him. No, it is not a good idea. Then, if you all can be, at minimum, civil to each other, it will go a long way with how your children deal with the chaos that goes with divorce, dating, 2nd marriages, etc. By the days they stay at his place or the actual time he spends with them? He is now 12 years old and I have attempted to have contact with him, but his dad refuses. Your rules sound reasonable to me. That seems to be a reasonable way to handle it. Last night she sent me a text saying her father will not let her call me. In a situation where you already established a bond, a court would be much more likely force visitation. She does need to learn to go to his home and become comfortable there. Do I have to allow visitation if he hasn't seen our son for 7 months? His mental health is of grave concern. Brette's Answer: If she agrees to visitation, then yes. Child custody or visitation disputes can have legal effects and consequences on either parent. If my ex takes me back to court, will I lose this case because it's in my divorce decree? I don't think she should go out of state with him. As the parent though, you need to think about your son's future and what the implications are for him to have no relationship with his biological father. No matter how this turns out, he is going to need help dealing with his mixed emotions. Now is there anything I can do to keep him from seeing him at all? Can my ex remove my visitation if I'm living with my boyfriend? I told him that I do not want my children in that environment. Samantha's Question: If there is no court order in place, can one parent stop the other one from seeing the child (my daughter's father is refusing to allow me to contact her. I think any judge would say that he needs to have his own in order to provide adequate care because otherwise where do you draw the line - are you supposed to transfer cribs and high chairs too? I just would like for someone to tell me if she has to go to his parents when he does not come for visits? However, you are going to have to learn to get over your resentment of his girlfriend. Will my divorce decree and custody papers be enforced in another state? JP's Question: I have sole physical and legal custody of our 14 year old. What if he continually cancels visitation at the last minute? She has some serious anger and jealousy issues with my son. i can only assume you are not over the EX because if you were then you wouldnt care if his new partner picked up the kids.. i think you need to let go for your kids sake im sure you have bigger fish to fry.. then who the ex is dating, unless this women is a crack head i dont see how its your consern as long as the kids are in good hands. My daughter just met her real Dad and is afraid to visit him. When one parent is granted this by the court, that doesn't take away the other parent's right to be a part of their child's life. Does he have a right to know how I spend my time with the kids? There are mandatory camps that the kids must attend in order to participate in their activities, but these happen during his visitation time. He is adamant that he doesn't want to pay child support and he wants 50/50 visitation, but his work schedule is not going to allow that? He needs to understand her schedule, her needs, and what kind of trouble she could potentially get in. Can I pick up my kids if my sister-in-law has temporary custody? My child has no clue who he is. Brette's Answer: Not unless your order requires you to give him the address. You should talk to an attorney who can help you. First, it's unlikely your husband is going to agree to it and it often become unworkable if he is living with the person. Question: Is it ok for the father to send someone else to pick up the children during his visitation weekend. He doesn't want to be involved in anything his child is doing and is not even providing insurance and making me pay and handle everything. Then I would do some visits at his home for a few hours and gradually increase them. Sole custody usually means the other parent still has parental rights. Brette's Answer: The person who does not attend is the one who will face contempt charges. If he takes me to court, is it likely that he'll receive more days? Can I stop him from picking up the kids during the week if it's not in the schedule? You can certainly ask for a reciprocal order if you want. You can go to a lawyer or you can just get over it. Can I set the schedule if the decree doesn't include a set schedule? My husband beats me up all the time what should I do? I know he has been driving with her in the car. Good luck. I completely understand why you are uncomfortable with this situation. He only wants them when it suits him, and of course to take them 2 weeks in the summer to visit grandparents they only see once a year. He refuses to take the kids to the doctor and has repeatedly not given the inhalers that have been prescribed. I recently discovered his addiction to porn & other very un-healthy on-line activities. Don't I have the right to know the people who will be around my daughter? It's always best to have an up-to-date order, but if your ex has complied so far you probably have nothing to worry about. If he tried to kill her before being born and beat me, why wouldn't he do it now? How is visitation handled when the kids don't know their father? Have he and your son had problems? Are you seeking to change the custody arrangement or are you just upset about the allegations? Will a judge agree with him that he doesn't have to take the kids to any of their extracurricular activities? The smoking incident is a serious problem. Brette's Answer: If there is no indication in the order about visitation, you're not required to do anything. Joyce's Question: My ex took our son on vacation and never returned him. Angela's Question: My ex and I have been divorced since our daughter was 3 years old, and she is now 11. Invite them over, get to know them and try to become a part of their lives. Brette's Answer: No. I have no way to prove that this behavior exists. Brette's Answer: If he won't tell you, call your attorney. She also recently told me that her father has left her home alone on more than one occasion. This can be very upsetting for your child and very frustrating for you. You can use a supervised visitation center as a place to drop off and pick up your child for visits. Brette's Answer: It sounds like you don't have a custody order at all, so you need to file for custody. No judge is going to deny a person visitation because he or she cannot afford a large home with multiple bedrooms. He is being a bad influence on my children and I can't make him realize it. Can he take our baby overnight if he's never cared for her alone? Brette's Answer: If your court order specifies the times he is to have the children, you have to stick to it. Ignoring the allergy is an important problem and one that would be of great concern to the court. What can I do? Your ex will most likely do the same to you by saying no. Good luck. I think you also need to have a provision inserted that says something about schedule changes should not be denied without a compelling reason. He is attempting to move to another state. Claire's Question: My father has visitation rights that allow him to come to our home for visits. Brette's Answer: A judge can dictate who can be near the children, particularly if the person in question poses a threat to the well-being of the children or creates a dangerous environment. Ashlie's Question: Can I legally pick my kids up from their fathers sister if she has temporary legal custody if there have been no visitation right established? You might find you get tired of him coming into your personal space like that and he might come to feel that he wants the kids to get comfortable in his new home. In my son's own words, my ex is his biological father and my new partner is his real dad because he does things with him and is here for him all the time. Only the court can decide that. Lisa's Question: Can a judge put a restraining order on a spouse's lover due to her husband's request to keep the lover away from his kids? If not, it's clear there are some underlying issues. His visits were taken away 6 years ago and he is asking for visits again. He causes tension in the household and when he is unable to call or see my mother he threatens everyone and becomes violent. What is a realistic visitation schedule if he travels all the time? Kortni's Question: I have moved out of my mother's house to come live with my father. You need to get along for the kids sake and try to show the children that you can all get along. I know its summer, but if there is a teacher or counselor at your school you feel comfortable with, talk to him or her about what is happening. Can he pick them up and return them off whenever he feels like it? For example, if the parent is instructed in the visitation order to pick up the child at a specific time, and he or she is always late causing emotional distress to the child and inconvenience to the custodial parent, a letter can be sent to the court to have the visitation rules changed or to inform the court that the rules are not being followed. Is it okay if he comes to my house for visitation? What are my options if CPS has intervened at their Dad's house? Then you feel your child's pain and ache for the rejection he or she is feeling. We are going to court for child support and I have heard that he wants to see his son now. I have recently been made aware that my son's father is allowing my son (age 8) to go to her house for days at a time with only his 13 year old cousin there. What has happened? To date he has not completed the class but is drilling me for visits. I do not know her and have never meet her before and do not trust her watching my son without his presence there. Brette's Answer: There are several considerations. Cindy's Question: I have sole custody of our 17 year old son. I'm only 13 so I don't know if this changes anything. How do I approach custody with a man who is not in recovery but goes to a psychologist? Can I get the visitation that we have in place now, changed? I do not find it appropriate that 2 children of the opposite sex and at these ages share personal space where they dress/undress and sleep. Should I allow my son to see his dying Dad after no visits for years? I mean its your money to waste but seems kind of pointless. What are my rights? I start the time when I get to his place and it ends when I leave. Brette's Answer: I think you have a very strong case since breastfeeding is recommended for the first 12 months. It's a great way to help everyone ease into the situation. Brette's Answer: Technically unless the order states otherwise visitation does not change, but it would be reasonable to allow the parent more access during this time. For example, if your ex arrives to pick up your child and is clearly intoxicated, you do not have to let your child get in the car. (before Dad can have kids stay the weekend, while the new gf stays over as well, Dad needs to inform biomom of new gf). It's not ok for her to spend all the visitation period every single time with them and not him. My ex wants two weekends in a row to get back on schedule. That will provide protection. Brette's Answer: I suggest you talk with him to find out what the problem is - it might be something that can be solved. He hasn't really been involved with her for 7 months. CA I have a current court order with visitation rights from Fri 7pm - Sun 7pm. What if his abusive behavior is affecting our son? My daughter shares a room with the 10 year old son when she has her extended visitations with her father. This is true even if the non-custodial parent is not paying their child support. Can he do this without the court order being changed? custody of children. Am I legally obligated to let him pick them up at a later time when he just "shows up"? When he has over-nights at his house, he feeds her berries which she is allergic to. What rights does he have if he has shared legal custody? This may mean encouraging the relationship your child and the other parent have together. He is using booster seats in the front, but I looked it up and it says you can't put children that are 5 and 6 in booster seats with lap belts only. Can I pick up my kids if my sister-in-law has temporary custody? He has told us that he wishes sometimes he was dead. My ex knows my son cannot have dairy because of a milk protein allergy, yet my ex won't buy the soy milk or even juice for my son to drink. If your child does not wish to go, you would have to have your original order modified by the court. What can I do if my teenager refuses to come home from visitation? Last winter he had me take them to a psychologist because our youngest didn't like him, he blamed me. What are my kid's rights if their father has been absent for 6 years? Can we be held in contempt for not completing it? You also have something to show the police should he refuse to give them back to you. He's taking the kids around people convicted of child endangerment. Can visitation be changed if the child is miserable? The problem is proving what happened. As they become more accustomed to seeing him somewhere else, the separation anxiety should ease. Does he need my address if he has custody and I have visitation? Handling visitation when there are issues with substance abuse. Brette's Answer: You need to get an order of sole custody so that you can protect yourself. You can read about the few that do here: https://www.divorcesource.com/research/dl/visitation/97may85.shtml. . Toni's Question: I have physical custody of my 6 and 8 year old children. Your 20 year old is old enough to provide supervision, so maybe that is the answer. This requires you and your spouse to be flexible and work together to create a workable visitation schedule, but unfortunately it may also lead to conflict for some. At that point, visitation would be stopped. Her dad said if she doesn't have school then there is no visit. Your brother needs to read what the court ordered in his specific order. Brette's Answer: Since the allegations were unfounded, that should not matter. Our daughter has not liked going for years and even more so now. At court "for the stability of the little girl" the judge gave me sole custody on a temporary basis while a parental evaluation is done. Also, during my son's father's visitation time, if father is going away for the weekend, does he have the right to leave my son with his family instead of just leaving him at home with me? Brette's Answer: Illness is a reason to cancel visitation. This is a person who I got jobs, helped whenever I could, and LOVED. If you and your son do not want any contact, you need to hire an attorney and go to court and present your case. I want to know if we can stipulate in our divorce a restriction that our children are not to be around any of our new significant others? Krystal's Question: My ex and I have been divorced for over a year and he has now remarried. Can I limit the amount of visitation, or have supervised visits until he can kick his sex addiction habits? Tell her how important she is to you and how much you love her. What can I do when my ex lets my son down? I called my ex to inform her, but couldn't reach her . His wife is part of his life and as long as she poses no risk to the child, being around her would be approved by the court. Brette's Answer: Yes they will be enforced. Krystal's Question: My ex recently moved to a one bedroom house, but has no water. Try to get to the root of the problem then try to find a solution that will work for both of you. Stopping visitation is not the answer - you're punishing your children then for his stupidity. After she is used to going to her father's house, I would recommend increasing that slowly, so she spends all day with him. Unfortunately the set up of the home isn't ideal and while my son has his own room with a door, my daughter's bed is in mine. The court looks at a lot of factors in making that decision. If you can show via a calendar or journal that you were home waiting for him for each visit, that would help. My boyfriend will be visiting and my ex said that if he sleeps in the same room as my kids, he will be contacting child services. In his absence, does my husband have any rights as to who the children spend time with during his Court Ordered visitation periods, and who can pick the children up for him, if needed? Macinzie's Question: When my ex & I split up, I suggested he have her Thursday, Friday & Saturday overnight because I work 10 hour night shifts on those nights, and figured that it was better for her to be with her father than with a babysitter while I worked. He hasn't made any of the visits here and he wants me to send her down. Brette's Answer: You'll have to make a motion to have the court reconcile the two. You arrive to pick up the kids and your ex isn’t home. Good luck. You have to realize he has a right to be in her life, but he has to realize that it takes time to build a relationship and learn parenting skills. Explain that you do not at all feel comfortable with your children going with her when you have never even met her. People other than parents may have legal authority over a child. 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